I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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