they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
