she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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