Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize