After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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