At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
