The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
