Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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