That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
