i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
