Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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