haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
