At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize