Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize