Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
