i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
