I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
