I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize