So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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