kristin has been a bad kristin
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
