I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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