party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
