oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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