im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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