if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
