I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
