I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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