i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize