The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
