Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
