By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize