u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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