Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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