i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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