you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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