I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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