You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
