Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
