dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
