When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
