I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
