she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So. Much. Porn.
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