Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
