your parents love me but you hate me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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