I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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