i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
