hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
