I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
