Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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