I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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