I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
