Rock
Scissors
Fuck
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
