Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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