New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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