Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
