I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
