i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
