Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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