Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
