She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
