smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
