Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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