i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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