Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
