Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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