your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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