she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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