Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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