was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
