Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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