Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
